James B Brandt

Genre - Comedy

 

Tagline - You don't have to be crazy to steal your own money... but it helps.

 

Logline - When an unscrupulous land developer manipulates to close an actor's rest home, the whacked-out characters decide to buy the property with their residual money that they steal from the bank while the owner taps his mafia relative for a loan - all while dodging police, hit men, and camels.

 

Synopsis - SAM PERKINS from the First Yankee Bank of Houston, Texas, visits the Retired Actors of Texas... Sanitarium - run by DR. HAROLD HILL who uses an innovative "Think System" to work with deluded B-rated actors who are living A-rated roles - to discuss a forthcoming foreclosure secretly spurred by a dastardly energy speculator who wants to turn the property into a solar farm.  The plot is discovered by a group of inmates - HOMES (British Sherlock Holmes), CHIEF INSPECTOR (French police inspector Clouseau), RANGER (the Texas Lone Ranger), PRINCESS (Princess Leia Organa), THE MAYOR (Munchkinland Mayor in The Wizard of Oz), and HARPER (Harpo Marx) - who decide to use their residual money from the bank to clear the note.

 

One small problem: The money is held in trust and they cannot access it.

Solution: they will rob the bank of their own money, leave a promissory note so it is not theft, and pay off the loan. A million should cover the mortgage and leave enough for a party.

 

Meanwhile, in his own desperation, Hill borrows a million from his brother-in-law, MARCO, the Mafia Boss in New Jersey.  Reluctantly, Marco agrees but at loan-shark interest rates. The money is to be delivered by Hill's Nephew, ENRICO. Being a Barbara Streisand fan, it is sent in a Plaid Bag, similar to the one from "What's Up Doc." Unbeknownst to Marco, he is the target of a sting and Enrico is followed by a sun-glass wearing, moped-riding FBI agent all the way to Houston.

 

The Loonies make their "withdrawal" - placing their money in a plaid bag - and lead the police a merry chase through the City of Houston and out to the Texas Experimental Farm - where they switch from their car to two camels and an ostrich - and through the girl's gym at a Houston Community College. Perkins reports the plot to his backer. Not willing to lose the property to the Loonies, he sends two henchmen to kill Hill. They pack a plaid bag with dynamite and set off to plant the bomb.

 

As all the elements close in, Hill goes to meet Enrico, incidentally taking along his lunch in a - yep - plaid bag. The divergent forces arrive back at RAT...S. and as the police and FBI sort out the bags, it becomes a case of watching the shells... or bagie, bagie who's got the bagie?  One bag to go boom, one bag to go to jail, one bag for lunch, and one bag of cash... kinda like "Baa baa looney tunes, have you any gold? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full! One for the mafia, one for the bomb, And one for the little boy whose lunch is now spoiled. Oh, and one full of gold that somehow gets missed by the authorities..."